Or they might have a hard time staying wet because it’s hard to sustain that when you’re surrounded by a small film crew. When the performers do get fully aroused, they might still use plenty of lube if they lose their arousal between takes. That doesn’t guarantee the kind of arousal you need for a comfortable or pleasurable fuck. It’s two (or more) people getting together on a set to perform in front of cameras. Obviously, it’s needed when they’re doing an anal scene. But there are lots of reasons to use plenty of lube even when no one’s ass is involved.įor one thing, the whole setup is artificial. But every porn set has plenty of it on hand. You’ll almost never see a shot of a performer squeezing lube out of the bottle and slathering it on themselves. There’s plenty of lube in porn, but you might not notice it. You want to watch them roleplay, talk dirty, and fuck - and that’s exactly what you get. That’s not something you see in the final product because no one streams porn so they can watch people have a conversation. In their case, it can be a little more contractual. They sign off on taking part in a scene, agree to certain sex acts and disapprove of some, and the performers might discuss what they’re okay with and what would be going too far. Pornstars often do the same thing behind the scenes. Whenever we want to try something new, or when our feelings about something change, we lay out exactly what we’re comfortable with so we know exactly where the limits are. But it can still be part of your long-term relationship.Īfter ten years of marriage, my husband and I mostly rely on non-verbal consent, but we occasionally discuss our boundaries explicitly. It’s something you definitely have to do when you’re getting dirty with someone for the first time. If you do it right, it can even be arousing. Making sure that your partner is enthusiastic about fucking you, figuring out what they’re okay with, and learning what crosses a line for them is something that should at the very least be part of your foreplay.Īnd no, it doesn’t have to feel like a stuffy contract negotiation. It just takes some basic communication skills and a little bit of emotional intelligence to get all that sorted without killing the mood. This is an extremely important part of sex and it should definitely be the norm. There are probably more, but to me, these are the biggest parts of real life sex that almost never show up in porn. So, it’s a good idea to take stock of the things that are left out of porn scenes but that will (or should) be part of the sex you have in real life.
Still, fantasies can influence our expectations. We shouldn’t be learning everything we know about sex from porn any more than we should be taking dating advice from romantic comedies. And paying close attention to amateur performers is basically how I learned to give better head.īut our sex education shouldn’t come primarily from an entertainment product. I do learn things from porn all the time, but it’s mostly about what I find hot or arousing. I don’t personally think that’s a problem because porn isn’t meant to be sex ed. It’s an entertainment product and it can be just as unrealistic as all the other movies I watch to entertain myself. There are a lot of elements of real life sex that almost never make into porn videos, especially the studio-produced ones. Most of the sex acts you see in porn are the kinds of thing at least one of the couples who live on your street have probably experimented with.īut what makes porn unrealistic isn’t so much what it shows - it’s what it doesn’t show. And there are ordinary women who absolutely crave anal. There are happy couples in healthy relationships who enjoy a little bit of choking during a good screw. There are plenty of people out there who enjoy a good threesome now and then. Now, I actually think this is a little overblown. The kind of sex you see in porn isn’t for everyone, but it’s not like it never happens in ordinary relationships. There’s a big complaint about porn that I keep seeing over and over.Ī lot of people are annoyed that the sex it shows isn’t realistic.